How do you teach your children perseverance?
Disney has the ability to entertain and to teach our children great lessons. Just moments ago I heard Jungle Junction teaching my kids this message:
“We can do it. We can do it if we try. If it doesn’t work the first time we’ll try twice as hard the next time. Cause we can do it if we try.”
The truth is, I don’t agree 100%.
About 10 years ago I was watching a day time talk show of a celebrity interview (I can’t remember who the celebrity was) and she said this:
“When I’m trying really hard to do something and it’s just not working I stop trying. I take that obstruction to be a sign from the universe that it just wasn’t meant to be”.
That statement hit a home run with me. So much so, that now if I’m trying to open a jar of pickles and it just won’t open…I take that as a sign to not eat pickles.
I’m not saying I’ve become a complete non-committal flake. I’m saying that sometimes some things just weren’t meant to be. Life shouldn’t be so hard and so frustrating. And honestly, I really don’t need to eat pickles.
The obvious problem now is how do I teach my children the ideals of perseverance when I don’t believe in them in all situations myself?
I’ve found myself teaching my son to stop trying something when he gets frustrated. I know that I’m trying to teach him to not allow himself to get so frustrated by taking a break. Nothing is worth getting so frustrated over and we can control our emotions by removing the cantankerous variable.
However, I’m afraid that I’m not teaching him how to preservere enough. I’m afraid I’m raising a non-committal flake. I want my children to be hard workers that don’t give up. I want them to be successful and I know that success takes commitment. I want them to understand the difference between knowing what’s worth fighting for and what isn’t.
However, when they hit a bump on the road to success, how will they know if it’s a sign to choose a different direction? And how will they know if the bump is just a bump and they can keep going forward?
Or what if they’re in a relationship with someone and it’s not going so great. How will they know if that relationship is worth working on to keep it going?
What if they’re trying and trying and trying to be good at something and it’s just not happening. When will they know to stop trying so hard to be good at whatever it was and try something else instead?
Or what if they’re trying to make a sandwhich and they’d really like pickles but they can’t open the jar? Will they keep trying to open the jar even if it takes forever and the bread goes stale in the wait?
How do I teach my children which situations are worth fighting for and which situations are not?
side note: I’ve never purchased a jar of pickles. That was merely an example.
That right there is a tough question!!!
They learn best by example! I learned from my mom and I see my boys learning from me. Sometimes it’s not what you consciously teach them that they learn the best. Seen it first hand!
If he learns by example then he’ll never have pickles on his sandwich. ha!
You make a good point — when to call it quits. I think in real life situations you have to know when to move on. Piggy-backing on your pickle jar example…if you come to pivotal point you can always ask for help. Or buy them out of a jar from a deli. I’m not sure how you teach that, but I always tell my boys to look for alternatives and weigh their options when they get frustrated.
Yes, teaching to weight out the options is a very good idea.
It’s that whole deal with trying to fit a square peg into a round hole… some things are not meant to be and THAT IS OKAY! You’re not supposed to be able to do everything. I think some people forget that.
Definitely not easy even as an adult to discern, but guidance, example, and experience work together. I had young parents who were still finding themselves, but they both had strong work ethics I always think of when I’m feeling tired at work or have finished my tasks to find more. Around the same time my mom and I adopted the “it’s not meant to be” philosophy of reducing stress. The now popular phrase “let it go” describes how I keep drama free even when I’ve been really wronged. Personaly I have broken many pickle jars over the years and now I am quick to ask for help. Yesterday on the radio Mrs. Tracey was discussing how more of us need to let our kids fail sometimes, to get the grade they’ve earned; and to stop doing our kids homework for them. My son is only three so I had no idea it’s so prevelant that the system basically encourages parents to ensure their child’s work is correct thinking it will help them more in the end although in reality is keeping them from learning how to learn and teach themselves; a skill they will need the rest of their lives.