The one I never had to worry about has made me worry.
He told me the other day that he didn’t have any friends at school. My heart broke into a million tiny pieces.
The kid that has always had friends, the kid that was always wanted, the kid that is liked by everyone, is now according to him-friendless.
Sometimes after the little’s and I drop him off at school we stay to watch him play. Sometimes I notice that he wasn’t playing with any kids. Or he would start to play with another kid and then be alone again. I thought it was strange, but I didn’t give it too much thought. Until now.
We’ve been having a lot of trouble with him ever since Kindergarten started, I figured it was just an adjustment stage. Getting used to sitting and listening and following rules every day is exhausting. Now, I realize that he may be acting out at home what he can’t act out at school. Those little 5 year old hurt feelings.
All of a sudden the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I never thought I would have to worry about mean kid games with him. The roller coaster of emotions and insecurities that I know and remember so well.
Although I clearly know that this stuff is a part of life and no one’s fault in particular doesn’t make the urge in me to yell in those little turds faces that they can’t be mean to my kid. Perhaps venting my own repressed frustrations from my own difficult friendships.
I suppose, this is now my new challenge with parenting; as if I ever accomplished the last challenge.
My challenge is no longer about teaching what’s right and wrong; it’s about teaching my son how to be strong, how to know his worth and how to ignore those that say and do mean things.
I just wish someone would teach me how to do that first.
I was just sitting here a moment ago watching the lamest show that had nothing to do with anything I’m talking about here when the deep realization that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing slowly sunk in. I am not equipped for this. How am I supposed to teach my children to be strong and confident and how to ignore dumb people with their dumb words when I’m not capable of doing the same? If I don’t know what I’m doing and I constantly worry if I’m being strong enough, capable enough, nurturing enough, confident enough and just plain enough for my children how do I know that they will learn to be confident, whole adults?
The one I never had to worry about now has me worried about him and about me.
Pretty deep and definitely honest. I’m no expert but I think parenting isn’t about giving 100% fail-proof right answers.. it’s about teaching your kids how to cope when you make the wrong ones and how to be responsible when you make the right ones.
Being happy and social is very important.. maybe like you said about teaching him to be strong… And most agree (even studies) that positive reinforcement is known to work better than anything negative. So just to help you put it in perspective, maybe you could offer him advice on how to cope with caring (in healthy ways of course) and how to overcome the problem or adapt with it.. Let him see light at the end of his little tunnel.
Maybe a group of kids don’t like him… what about the rest of the kids.. why doesn’t he want to play with other kids? Why does he think they don’t want to be his friend? Has he tried making friends with them? Ask him how he thinks he can fix the situation.. maybe he has ideas but needs some confirmation on what to do or just to say it out loud.
Nobody knows. Just share your experiences. And don’t let your lack of confidence show. Or hey.. is there a sport he can join? Being part of a team usually helps with stuff like this 🙂
It is hard to get anything out of a 5 year old boy. All I got was “I don’t have any friends” and “so and so said they weren’t my friend anymore”
As adults, the rationality of a solution seems very clear. However, this is basic elementary school yard politics we’re dealing with here. Of course I would love to teach him to tell mean kids to shove it, but it’s not that easy. These are his feelings, not mine and I cannot control them. As a mom, it is very hard to endure your child’s hurt feelings. Even if by next week he has 1,000 friends on the school yard, the feeling still remains in me.
ugh I so understand this. Did this with my oldest, she resorted to spending recess in the classroom “helping the teacher”. She was like that for a long time and I worried incessantly. Just keep reminding him how much you love him and how incredibly amazing he is. He will survive, and he will find one or two special friends that will make more of a difference in his life than any group of kids ever could.
I hope to golly that he makes a few special friends at school soon.
Maybe you could switch him into another class? This is heartbreaking. I have forgotten what childhood was like until I read this, but really as adults not much changes. Just support him and parent him the best you can. Stay strong.
I am considering putting him another class. I’m still pondering the best move. xo
Although I can’t speak from a parent perspective. I think a huge thing that your son has going for him is you as a parent.
Just the fact of being there for him, and listening to him, and being proactive in his life goes a long way. We, as people, don’t have all the answers, but one thing we have more than anything is to help lift one another up during those difficult times.
You are absolutely right Jamie, we are lucky to have one another during our difficult times.